Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
