Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This baby is an asshole
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
