Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize