Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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