The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
