Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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