how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
