could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
