he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
