Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
