I'm so fucking centered right now
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
