New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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