Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize