you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He has the fingertips of a God
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