So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
