I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
