I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
