my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
