Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
