i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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