so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
