Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
