You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Houston, we have a blender
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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