The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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