Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
