it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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