I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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