he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize