i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
