3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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