if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
