Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
