I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize