we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
