Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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