My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
