My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize