the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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