Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
