Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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