i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
