Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
