One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
