when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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