obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
