i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
