Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
