Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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