We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
