I wish I only lived at night.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
