3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm lost and stupid without you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
