I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
