A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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