sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize