just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
