Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's always time for handjobs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
