I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
should my penis look like a turkey
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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