I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
