so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
