2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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