No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
