i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
