You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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