All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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