Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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