I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
