It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
