There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
