I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
